... that two a.m. isn't the best time to try to communicate your deepest feelings and thoughts!
After us not speaking at all for A WHOLE WEEK (it was torture!!!) me and Diana talked about the whole thing again and it made a lot more sense this time. Diana's feelings were that Jimmy and I (Jimmy is usually at home with me and the baby these days) were getting burnt out by the end of the day from trying to constantly entertain and clean up after our large, demanding flock, which usually, by after school, includes not only Little Bear, Pufferfish and Monkeyboy, but also Marcus, who is living with us again, and Rafael, who I babysit after school, and various other kids that trail Monkeyboy and Marcus home from school. Her point was that Pufferfish should be able to play by herself with her toys for some pieces of the day, instead of constantly following adults around and wanting direct interaction 24/7. (It may sound a little mean, but for real, she's right... Pufferfish has a room full of toys and she should learn to sit and play alone sometimes, using her imagination, without adult interference and guidance, right?) And also, that Little Bear, Rafael, Monkeyboy and Marcus need to do more around the house to help out, instead of Jimmy and I scrambling to get the house cleaned up by five-thirty each day. And that Marcus and Monkeyboy should turn off their video games and spend more time with the rest of us. And that I should spend more quality time with Monkeyboy, like I used to when he was younger.
You see, all of these specific points are a lot more understandable and less overwhelming than me just believing that Diana thought I ruined the kids!
The most difficult one for me, though, is Monkeyboy.
My special needs problems have always been a sore point between me and Diana, because she believes that my main problem is a lack of confidence, and that I do not have Aspergers or ADHD at all. It may be a familiar story to some people, because a lot of people with "invisible" disabilities hear from others that there is "nothing wrong with them" and that they could be like everyone else if they just tried harder. I think Diana's main message is that I shouldn't let my disability stop me from things. She gets irritated that I can be very responsible and take care of Little Bear and Pufferfish all day long, but with Monkeyboy and Sarah I interact with them more like I am their age. That is hard for me because I don't really know how to "make" myself be more mature. I can change specific things around the house, like the things about giving Pufferfish more unstructured time where she has to entertain herself, and makng the kids help out around the house. But I just don't know how to "act more mature." I wish I had a specific list of things I could work on to be more like an adult and less like just one of the older kids.
Anyway, more or less everything is back to normal, so... do you want to see our ABC Theme Tot SChool Week? Move on to the next post!
Do you go to counseling or therapy? Maybe they can give you some ideas about one thing to work on at a time, as far as "being more mature."
I'm glad that you were able to sit down and talk things out. And I hope that you both continue doing so and building your relationship closer and closer.
Posted by: corrie | February 07, 2010 at 04:23 PM