Nacho Nanny!

Today, on our way to the Open Gym at a local gymnastics center, Little Bear and Rafael and Pufferfish and I stopped at McDonalds for lunch. I told them to go back into the play area while I ordered the food. When I walked back into the play area, I expected to see them playing... but they were all sitting quietly around a table, waiting for me!

I passed out the Happy Meals and poked straws into their little cups of rootbeer. Then Little Bear looked thoughtfully at me and said, "Nicki? What if you were our nanny?"

"Uh... I dunno... why?" I looked around, to see if there were any kids who seemed to be there with nannies. But, these days more than ever, its impossible to tell who belongs to who just by looking at them! "Who has a nanny?" I asked.

"Nobody. I just wondered," said Little Bear. "Because, wouldn't it be weird if you were our nanny?"

"Yeah. Nannies are weird," Rafael chimed in. "I'm glad we have you, instead!"

The conversation came out of left field... especially since, technically, I could be considered (although I will shoot dirty looks at anyone who does consider it) their nanny.

For anyone who hasn't been reading this blog long or just isn't clear on how my psuedo-family fits together, Little Bear and Pufferfish and Monkeyboy are the children of my best friend, and I've helped to raise them since they were infants. Circumstances in our lives caused Diana and I to have a closer, more sister-like bond than most sets of friends, and so I have always considered the kids my nephew and nieces, rather than my "friend's kids". Rafael, on the other hand... I've only known him for about a year. He's the child of Jimmy's sister's best friend, though, which, in our family, makes Rafael as good as family to us. (Rafael often asks hopefully, "Am I sort of related to you guys?" and I tell him, "Yes, you're family," because, he is, as much as I am, isn't he?) When we moved to our new town, we were less than a mile away from where Rafael's family lives, and they needed someone to watch Rafael, so he started coming to our house before and after school.

Anyway. For some reason, I detest it when anyone calls me "the nanny" or "the babysitter." I don't know why. Maybe its presumptiuous or snobby of me, or something. Partly its because I've spent a lot of time being a babysitter, from the time I was about ten to even now (I babysit for other local families in my spare time sometimes) and I know that babysitters and nannies are viewed in a certain way. Even the best, most professional, most well-loved nanny or babysitter is just that... just a stranger hired by the family to care for the children. Other times, nannies and babysitters are seen by the family as just a little below the rest of the family. You might here of a mom or dad saying things like, "Our sitter didn't wash the dishes," or "We use so-and-so, she's a good sitter," or "I gotta go home and pay the sitter." You may even hear the children say things to the sitter such as, "We're going to tell mom and dad to fire you because they are your bosses." Even when I was an actual babysitter (caring for children I knew only because their parents had advertised for a babysitter) I hated being referred to like this. It made me feel invisible or less human. I used to hate it when I'd go to a house and the parents of the children would have some friends over, getting ready to leave with them, and the people would just all continue talking around me as if I hadn't entered the room. Or I'd be introduced briefly as, "Thats just the sitter." I felt so... I dunno... out of the loop!

So I particularly hate it when people think I am Little Bear's and Pufferfish's nanny or sitter. Because they're my family!!!

Its still weird though that Little Bear brought it up so randomly. She may have heard me say something about it somewhere along the line, but I can't think of any time recently! She calls me her auntie and, as far as I know, does not know that she has a different relationship to me than she does to any of her blood-or-marriage-or-stepparent-related aunties! Even when Diana and Jimmy refer to me as "the sitter" to acquaintances, Little Bear still sees me as her auntie.

I dunno... was this even worthy of a blog post? It just seemed weird when she said it, out of the blue...

Oh well. I gotta go. I still haven't posted pictures... but maybe tomorrow!!!

Comments

[Just G]

Obviously you don't truly understand what a true professional nanny brings to the life of a child. There are many families out there who due to circumstances often beyond their control, have to rely on a nanny. It's not really a dirty word or even an insulting word. There are a great majority of nannies out there today who are proud to make the nanny profession their career, and if you researched it, you might be surprised how well that works.
Many working families have jobs that don't afford them traditional child care, and if they don't live close to family, they often have to rely on nannies.
Nannies are not babysitters. They are partners in parenting, never taking the place of the parent, but simply offering support and an extra set of hands when life hits bumps in the road, much like you have done for your friend.
There are wonderful nannies out there helping families in crisis every day but sadly, the media only chooses to publicize the bad ones.
Your post came up in a google search, please don't judge me into you have walked a mile in my shoes, and I have been in these shoes for 25 years.
Glenda Propst
who is proud to be called a professional nanny

[Danny]

It's sad you've never had a rewarding position as a caregiver. It has to be sought out, worked towards and nurtured. An ideal relationship with a work family comes from knowing what you want and finding it.

I wish you all the best.

Danny

[Erin]

As a professional Nanny, I found your posting upsetting. I Love my job. I am a partner with parents, they rely on me for excellent safe care of their child and together we work together to raise their child. I always follow their child rearing practices and they often ask for my opinion on issues or give me free reign. I am not treated as some stranger they hired. Initially I was a stranger yes, but they treat me like family as does their extended family! My job is to teach, nurture, encourage and Love. Nannies and children they care for have a very different experience than a babysitter. A nanny is NOT a babysitter. Babysitters offer temporary care of children while parents go out or they care for children in their own home (usually more than one child) while parents work. Babysitters often have an early childhood education, though many do not. I personally am a certified kindergarten to grade 6 teacher. My nanny child, is not simply a child I am paid to care for. I love her and would jump in front of a bullet for her. She is not my child and she is not my niece. the relationship between a nanny and her charge can be related to having a niece or nephew, but it goes MUCH further than that and that can be said for most nannies. How many aunts or Uncles see their niece or nephew every day? Some nannies work short term, 6 months to year, or some longer 3-5 years. I know a nanny who was with her work family for more than 15 years! She certainly is considered family more so than blood. When our time has come to an end with our families a little piece of our hearts is left behind and it hurts a lot, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am PROUD to be a professional nanny!
ERIN
Nanny to 2.5 year old Victoria in Ontario Canada.

[Tanya @ Teenautism]

That is odd that Little Bear asked that right then, out of the blue. Maybe she had thought about it before and just remembered that she wanted to ask you. In any case, she knows how much you love her and how much she means to you, and that's the important thing, as of course you know. Wishing you and everyone in your household many blessings for 2010! Happy New Year!

[Diana]

I think the nannies that are commenting on this article do not know the history of our family or for Nicki personally. I think the reason that Nicki does not want to feel like a nanny with these children, or be referred to as a nanny, is because she has been a member of our family prior to the kids being born. She was my best friend and a member of our family prior to becoming the "nanny" for the three kids. She has lived with us many times over the years, and most of those times she was either attending school or working in professional positions outside of the home at nursing homes or child care facilities, etc. When her previous employment did not work out, the opportunity arose for her to watch the girls during the day for employment.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I think her feelings stem from the feeling of not wanting to lose her place in the house as the kids' "auntie" and our sister and a member of the family on a daily basis and instead be the "nanny" that is there solely to provide for the children.

I know for a fact that Nicki has a high respect for nannies and the position that they hold for the children that they care for and the key role that they play in families. I also know for a fact that she would be an excellent nanny for a family some day if that was a career path she chose. I am sorry for those that read this in an insulting manner and took offense, as she would never mean to imply that to anyone.

Just as far as her twelve year history within our family, she does not want to be considered the nanny in our family tree, but the aunt, sister and best friend that she is.

[Mom2Amara]

I agree. I don't think Nikki meant to be insulting in any way.

That being said, Nikki, those children know you are all family. Kids will also be kids and they say things without really thinking. And related or not, what makes a family is love. And we all know how much you love these kids!