Slow Down, Gym Shoe!: Postman, Deliver This Letter To 1992!

Being at my mom's often brings back memories and feelings from back in the day. Obviously I could never send this letter... I am just venting... but what better place for it than here in my blog?

Dear anonymous parents of the "problem" child,

You wonder what is the matter with your child. She does not fit in with the rest of the family. She does not fit in with the rest of the world. When this child was a baby, you imagined that you would build a magnificent little person... a little person much like yourself, only better. A little person who would prove to the world that you could be a successful parent. But things didn't seem to work out the way you hoped. And now you are not quite sure what to do with this child, this kid who doesn't do things like all the rest. This kid who doesn't fit in at school or at home. This kid who seems to stumble in the wrong direction all the time. Her horrible grades, her lack of social skills, her odd mannerisms, her lack of interest in the things other girls her age like... where did this little alien come from?

The school tells you that this child might need help. But you did not want to be that parent, the one with the child who needs help from others! So you scream at your child. You shout that she is lazy, and ignorant. You tell her she doesn't care about anyone but herself. You belittle her for acting like she needs help. Because how can she need help? You never needed help! You were never that child! The school now wants you to sign her assignment notebook each and every day, to prove that the child did her homework. How humiliating for you! Why can't your child just independently do her homework like all the other kids? Does your child just want others to think she is retarded? That must be it. What a loser your child has turned out to be. These are the words you shout at your child... although you tell yourself, she won't even hear you, she won't even care, she won't get the message. If you shout enough, won't she just snap out of it and become normal?

Your child starts acting out, and gets in trouble. You blame her friends. She seems to seek out friends who have problems. You've heard they have problems at home. This must be the root of it all. Your child wants to be like those problem children! But your home is fine! A fine home, you've created for this child! Look at the couches, they are beautiful! Look at the dining room table, it is set perfectly! Just look at the Nintendo you've supplied your kids with! What a fine home! If you and your spouse fight constantly, if your spouse gets arrested, if there are other troubles, so what... they are not your child's business. Your child's job is to go out and show the world what a fine parent you are.

Besides, as of late, when you fight with your spouse, the fights about her, that problem child, the child who is ruining your family!

You will not listen to those who suggest your child has ADHD, has some type of autism, has some sort of learning problems. How dare your child be that child, anyway? You will not seek help for your child, until it is too late and the powers that be force you to. But by then, it will be too late.

I am warning you now, your words are what will destroy your child's spirit. The hateful look in your eyes are what will break her heart. If you had beaten her mercilessly, it would not have hurt as much as this. As she gets older, and goes into the world, she will look for others who will hurt her, and she will not trust those who do not. She will grow older, but she will not grow up. She will not have the tools to be an adult. She will resent herself for being such a loser. She will hate herself for not making you proud. She will try to destroy herself.

But if you receive this letter, perhaps it is not too late! Swallow your pride, and love your odd child the way she is. Find ways to help her through her life. Teach her how to care for herself. It will not take much. It will not kill you to sign the notebook. It will not kill you to seek extra support for her in school. Maybe a tape recorder to record the lessons, since she has trouble taking notes? Could you find the money for a tutor like they advertise on TV, the kind who specializes in helping kids who are difficult to teach? Can you find something positive, something extra, for your child to focus her talents on? You are the adult here. What can you do to save your child?