I'm A Nervous Nellie!

A while back I wrote a post wondering if anyone was actually reading this blog, since I didn't get as much comments as I used to. Since then, I've found out that people are reading this, either on their readers or directly on the blog or whatever.
So, my invisible friends, can I confide in you for a minute?
I may be in trouble.
If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that my life basically consists of taking care of my nieces, Little Bear and Pufferfish. Before I started taking care of them on a regular basis, I held stupid part-time jobs whenever I could, but I was never very good at keeping jobs. I have really bad anxiety and depression, plus my ADHD and asperger's disorder, and have just never been very good at dealing with things. Some might say that everyone is like that and just deal with it anyway, but obviously most people are dealing with things if they're still going to their jobs, maintaining households, etc. I've always needed extra help with things. I'm pretty independent in most ways, but I do need extra support. I just do. Thats just the way it is.
So.
Jimmy's company went out of business a while back, and ever since then he hasn't been working on a consistent basis. He was actually still paying me to take care of the kids, just because he didn't want me to be S.O.L., but thats gotten sort of inconvenient and wasteful of money, especially since next month they're moving into a bigger house thats gonna cost more for rent. Jimmy's going to be helping rebuild Diana's mom's house for the next few weeks, so I'll probably at least be able to watch them during that, but after that, the future is uncertain, at least for me! And although I could probably still stay with Diana and Jimmy even if I'm not watching the kids, its sort of awkward, because I'm just sitting around there trying to purposely not take care of the kids! Also some people have started hinting that its time for me to get it up and get it going, hit the dusty trail, move on with life, quit being a third wheel, ride off into the sunset.
So I don't know what to do.
What I want to do is find a way that I could keep taking care of Little Bear and Pufferfish, regardless of Jimmy's ability to pay me. Because I don't really want to be gone. I've loved being part of their everyday lives. I've loved being part of a family. I don't want to go away!
Here are some of the ideas I've come up with, so far.
1. I've applied for a part-time job as a senior caregiver, where I would go and visit with a senior citizen a few times a week. It wouldn't require helping out with baths and stuff like that... more like visiting, being a companion, and maybe doing light housekeeping for them so they don't have to move around a lot.
2. Michelle over at Big Blueberry Eyes gave me the info on her Discovery Toys business. Its a little like selling Tupperware, except its educational toys. I could buy a starter kit for my own business, with a down payment of $25. I think, by trying to get people in my Meetup groups to host special playgroups where I would bring the sample toys, and maybe by trying to sell to day cares around here, I could make that work.
3. I've applied for Social Security Disability because of my brain problems, and cash assistance from the state. Both of those take a long time to go through, though, but those things could help.
4. I had this idea that could work, for the summer, at least, of running an informal preschool in the backyard. It would be about twice a week, and kids could come for about two hours. For each session I could plan the kinds of things I normally try to do with Little Bear and Pufferfish, like art projects and science experiments and story times, plus we could have circle time and free play time and stuff. I could get Sarah and Monkeyboy to help me out, and pay them each $5 or so a day. I think a lot of people might sign up. Jimmy says I might not be able to do it because they'd have to pay renter's insurance, but Diana didn't think so, so I'll have to see what goes down with that... but it would be a cool thing for the summer, anyway, a way to make a bunch of extra money and be spending time with the girls at least those two days a week.

If I put all of these ideas into action, I just might survive!
What do you think?

Comments

[Tanya @ Teenautism]

I think those are great ideas - all of them! I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well as you enter this transition.

[Michelle]

I'm sorry things are so up in the air for you right now! But it does sound like you have some great ideas and plans to start working on! Good luck with everything! Oh what about getting a job at a day care of preschool since you enjoy being with kids and coming up with curriculums?

[Nicki Mann]

Hi, thanks for the comment! I've thought about applying for a job at a day
care or preschool, but here's the problem... I've already worked at a lot of
the local daycares alreadyat some point! The best ones won't even hire me
because I'm not qualified enough (they want real teachers and people with
CDA's) The crappier ones like Kinder-Care are really bad to work at, plus
they don't use a curriculum... they have an already made one taped up on the
wall for parents to see, but they don't use it at all. When you work there
your main job is to keep the kids clean and quiet in case the parents walk
in! Plus I still want to be there for Little Bear and Pufferfish... I hate
the idea of them sitting and watching TV all day while I go take care of
other kids!!!
- Nicki